[THIS IS ANOTHER ORIGINALLY HANDWRITTEN DIARY ENTRY FROM APRIL 31st 2017]
Tonight I returned to yoga class. The type of yoga class I attended was called “Yin”. The female instructor explained that it is a restorative, deep breathing, intentional and slow-moving class. She explained that the hour was about emphasizing our own individual presence in our own bodies. We were to set an intention in our body.
…
My intention is to not feel guilty.
To let go of feelings of unworthiness in my marriage.
…
Richie seems so certain. He was the first to say that he loves me. Usually, when I’m dating someone. I know right away if there’s long-term relationship potential. I have a sense of whether it’s possible to love that person. With him, I actively fought against asking myself how I felt. I had decided to just enjoy it as it comes. I didn’t expect it to last. I also think out of fear he would not feel the same way about me.
…
I remember Andre’s goodbye dinner. Richie was wear this sleeveless olive green tank. He was sitting across from me. I double-blinked. I felt a “woosh” sensation in my body. I know this probably sounds cliche but it was like looking at him for the first time. Well maybe not the first time… I had no idea who he was when I met him. He didn’t seem as shallow as his ex-girlfriend, Irene, described to me, venting in anguish over the entirety of their relationship. I figured that Irene was just going through the grieving process of letting go of their relationship. She was venting. I knew I would have to decide to myself who he was. Her shares definitely made me feel cautious. I barely spoke to him at all the first time on Eeyore’s birthday. I was mostly interested in Irene and Judith. Then we didn’t see each other again until the Vegas Vacation with Judith and Andres.
…
Anyway today we applied for our “Marriage License”. Then we have to find a judge to “marry” us and that will be that.
Closing my eyes during yoga tonight I saw light under my eyelids. I opened them quickly. I looked around the room to see if there was an object reflecting sunlight into the room and interning into my eyes – but no.
I plan to do strength training with Richie tonight after dinner and follow up 9am yoga class tomorrow before our friends, Anna + Mj’s housewarming party.
[END OF 04/31/2017 ENTRY]
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